Sunday, June 19th, 9:36pm
I haven't written a letter for more than a week. There's a reason for it. A long, drawn out, boring reason; but I'd like to tell you anyway.
About a month ago I was at a doctor's apointment and I mentioned a concern I had. My doctor wanted me to do some blood work to make sure I didn't have a Pituitary Tumor. After the blood work was done I had to wait for the results and then make another appointment to see my doctor so she could go over them in person.
The results were... okay. At least they ruled out the initial thought of me having a tumor, but she thought I should then have an Ultrasound because my blood test was slightly abnormal. An appointment was made and a few days later I was getting an Ultrasound. At this point they were trying to rule out Breast Cancer.
While getting my Ultrasound it was suggested I stay and get a Mammogram as well since things still weren't quite right. I waited for the results of both of these tests and then made another apointment to see my doctor to go over the results in person. When she got the results everything was still just okay so she sent a referral for me to go to a different clinic and get a Ductogram.
I was now freaking out, but trying to play it cool. I was certain I was dying and told Danika so. She let me cry to her for about an hour and it felt good. Trey kept assuring me I was going to be okay and that they were just taking precautions to get to the bottom of everything.
The end results were that I wasn't dying. I didn't have a Pituitary Tumor. I didn't have Breast Cancer. Nope, it turns out I have hormones that are all out of whack. Oh my goodness, as if I didn't already know that!! I know I'm a mess, but at least I have a reason now. Right? Am I right? Hello?
Over the course of the next few weeks I was in contact with a few friends who were; in some way or another, deeling with depression or out of control hormones. We chatted about how to overcome them; should we take medication, or was it just a matter of being more faithful and trying harder? I still don't know the answer.
My hormones don't always get in the way of life, usually just one week out of the month (you know the week). Is that a reason to not write our life's happenings just because I felt depressed, unmotivated, mopey, tired, fed up and stressed? I wasn't being the nicest person in the world and I'm sorry. Oh me, oh my. Life had me down! Satan was winning!
Something happened to pull me out of my slump, something always does. I was re-reading the book, "A Heart Like His" by Virginia H. Pearce and it was exactly what I needed to pull myself up, dust myself off, and start over fresh.
I was reading the book out of duty because "A Heart Like His" is our theme for girls camp so I was using it to help plan devotionals. As I was reading though I realized how closed my heart was and that if I wanted things to change I needed to not only pray for them to change, but I needed to make a change.
The author quotes Elder John H. Groberg,
When filled with God's love, we can do and see and understand things that we could not otherwise do or see or understand. Filled with His love, we can endure pain, quell fear, forgive freely, avoid contention, renew strength, and bless and help others in ways suprising even to us.
I wasn't feeling His love, but that was my own fault and I decided to do something about it.
1. Wake up earlier so I have time to shower, get ready for the day, and read my scriptures before the kids wake up. In order to do this I have to wake up at 5:30am. NOT something I enjoy, but something that DOES help.
2. Make sure all the blinds are opened for the day. It may seem like a little thing, but sunlight = happiness. Attempting to be outside in the fresh air and sunlight everyday will do wonders too.
3. Make sure I'm eating healthy, getting enough sleep and excercising. By excercising I don't mean going to the gym for an hour. I'm talking about crazy busy mom excercises (I'll talk about those later).
4. Try and get organized the day before so that things run more smoothly. A disorganized mom = stress, chaos and blah!
As I was going about my new regiment of early morning reading I came across an article in the Ensign that quoted heavily from a talk by Elder Richard G. Sott titled, "Trust in the Lord". He said,
For about a week now I've had a completely different attitude and it's amazing the difference it makes. I share this extremely boring story with you to let you know you're not alone when you feel down and you're not crazy either. :) I'm hoping that by reading about my trials they'll help you to better overcome your own.
I love you and wish you the best. I'm always here for you.
P.S. As always, these are my opinions and I don't expect anyone to adopt them as their own. I'm just sharing lessons I've learned along the way of life.