Seriously Blessed

May 11, 2012

Dear Children,
As the time draws near for our Pharmacy School Adventure to be over I've been doing a lot of reflecting.  I can't believe that in less than 20 days Trey will be graduating!  The last three years have been difficult, but we've been extremely blessed by wonderful friends and family.  I can't even write this letter without getting choked up.  I want you to know of the kind deeds people have done for us.  Some of the people shall remain anonymous (to the world), but their deeds will live on...

Uncle Vince and Aunt Karlene:  For the first year we lived in Nevada they had us over to dinner almost every Sunday.  Their daughters Alix and Jen would often offer to baby-sit our children for free.  Karlene is the one who first got me interested in Agape (foster parenting).

Katie:  She was the first friend I made in Nevada.  Her older daughter was in the same class as Jonas at school and her younger daughter was in my preschool class.  She was constantly inviting us to the splash park for playdates and we had had lots of long and heartfelt talks together.  Her husband, Sven was also a great help to me and was always bailing me out of situations when Trey wasn't available.  The two of them invited us to their house numerous times to eat and we always had such a great time.

Katie & I

Neighborhood Friends: The first ward we were in was extremely difficult, but there were a few people who made it bearable.  Maridyn brought cookies to our house the first Sunday we were at church.  She's the kind of person who's always busy doing service for others and I was lucky enough to receive some of her kindness.  She taught me how to quilt better and for Christmas she made me a gorgeous quilted table runner.  Tricia lived a few doors down from us and our kids got along really well so they often had play dates together.  When we moved from Nevada she threw a wonderful going away party for me so I could say goodbye to all my dear friends.

Family Member: The first Christmas in Nevada was a rough one.  There were a lot of days left in the year, but not enough money.  We didn't know what we were going to do.  A most kind and generous family member sent us a check in the mail as a Christmas gift.  They told us that they had been in our situation before and they knew how hard it was to get by on only student loans.  They were unexpectedly blessed as students with a sum of $300.00 when they needed it most so they wanted to "pay it forward".  This family had young children of their own to take care of and they were in no way wealthy.  They actually tried to give us another check last summer when we found out we had to move again.  This time it was for $1,000.00!  We absolutely refused to cash that check, but we still appreciated their amazing generosity.

Greenway Ward: This was our second ward in NV and it was amazing.  It was  a very diverse and strange ward, but there was so much love and unity.  The Elders Quorum presidency came to visit us all the time to see how we were doing and if we needed anything.  We were only there for one year and Trey served as a Sunday School Teacher, Ward Clerk and then Elder's Quorum President right before we had to move.  He served with some incredible men.  Namely Brother Mona, Brother Nielsen, Brother Nash and Brother Lulamonga.  I was in Young Women's and I was totally intimidated at first, but truly came to love and cherish all the leaders and girls.  I miss them dearly.  I'll always be grateful to Brother Haddock who offered to take our family pictures for free because he remembered how hard it was to be a student and have a family.

Me & Young Women @ Girls Camp

Uncle Bryce and Aunt Genie:  They've been such a great help to me since moving to Farmington.  When we first moved back they invited us over to their house for dinner numerous times.  Aunt Genie gave me half price tuition for "Let's Play Music" so that Clara and Nora could both go for the price of one.  Uncle Bryce bailed me out when I got a flat tire and when I locked the keys in the van.

Grandpa Steve and Grandma Barb:  My dad is a good Grandpa.  Every once in awhile he'll call to take one of the kids out for some one-on-one time or he'll take all of you to go get ice cream together.  I love the days when it's 11:00 and I'm just getting done with preschool and wonderding what I should make Atticus and I for lunch when my phone rings and it's my dad offering to take us out for lunch.  Sweet!  Atticus loves to run errands with Grandma Barb and ride in her "beach" (actually a Jeep and I'm not sure why he calls it a beach).  The kids have spent the night with Grandma Barb a few times and loved it.  We also love it when they invite us over for dinner.

Grandpa Steve & Grandma Barb

Friend 1:  She was the first person (besides family) who really tried to make me feel welcome when I moved back to Farmington.  She invited us to a picnic at the park almost as soon as we met her and we were introduced to her wonderful family.  A week or so later she had us over to her house for dinner.  She then began inviting all of my children to her house for play-dates.  All of you.  At the same time.  With her 7 children.  She knew we were going out of town one weekend to see Trey so she dropped by drinks and tons of snacks for the road.  The other day she called and told me that she was volunteering her daughter to come baby-sit for me so that I could go to an Enrichment meeting.  When she came to get her daughter she gave me an envelope.  It had a check for $100.00 inside and a card that said,
"Dear Meshan, The Spirit directed me to give this to you!  I see that you are doing difficult things- and you're doing them well.  With love, _____".
I'll never forget this woman!

Friend 2:  The sister of Friend 1.  She invited us to share a Holiday dinner with her family that was amazing.  So much time and effort went into all of it.  She also invited two strangers to join us that were in town on a business trip so there were 14 people there!  She too has offered her daughter as a free baby-sitter to me and I appreciate it so much.  If there are ever any Relief Society meetings she always calls to make sure I'm going and to see if I need someone to watch my kids.  Her children all seem so well-behaved, happy and kind.  The other day she invited us to the park for pizza and punch and she insisted that it was her treat.  She's given me lots great ideas from how to have a more Christ centered Easter to how to teach my children about the "birds and the bees".  She's older than me and she's the type of person I aspire to be.


Stacey:  I met her while volunteering at Apache Elementary.  She's such a great example of what a Christian should be.  I really admire her for the amazing mother and wife she is.  She devotes everything she has to her little family.  Her, her husband and their four children are temporarily living in a motor home to try and remain debt free while he goes to school.  Even though they have such a small, humble home they've invited us over for dinner twice.  She offered to watch my kids for me one day for five (yes, five) hours so that I could get my errands done, the house cleaned, and our bags packed to go visit Trey.  I love that she remembered my Birthday and got me a little something.  Her husband recently had a job interview in Santa Fe and it would be crazy good if they moved there!

Grandpa and Grandma Livvy:  We've been blessed throughout our entire journey by the prayers, wisdom, and generosity of these two.  Atticus goes over to their house two days a week for 4 hours while I teach preschool and they entertain him endlessly.  Everytime I go to pick up Atticus, Grandma always has a hot, home-cooked meal ready for me.  They often ask if any of the kids want to spend the night and your eyes sparkle because you all adore them.  They support us in everything we do.  I don't know how I ever survived without these two in my life.

Grandma Cindy, Grandpa & Grandma Livvy at a soccer game.

Grandpa Dewey and Grandma Cindy:  They've been a tremendous blessing by giving us monetary assistance and the gift of time.  They spoil my children and although I don't think that's a good thing, you sure seem to enjoy it.  When we lived in Nevada they came to visit us all the time and it was wonderful!!  I'm still in awe that Grandma offered to fly to NV and watch the kids so I could go to Girls Camp for a week.  Since moving back to Farmington Grandma has invited us over every Sunday for dinner and she always has a delicious dessert too.  She often helps me take kids to school, soccer practice, and soccer games.  I literally couldn't do it all without her.   Sometimes she'll take you kids out on a little date or have you spend the night.  She even took me on a date the other day and she paid for dinner, a movie and the babysitter!  I desperately needed that break and it helped me recharge my single-mom battery.  I'm very thankful to have such great in-laws.

Due to these overwhelming blessings and kind people I've been thinking about how I can ever repay
them.  The more I thought about it, the more I realized it was impossible.  I try and show gratitude and thank them every chance I get, but I think what's important is to return their kindness by learning from it.  They've all taught me how to be a better person and give service and it makes me want to emulate them.  I don't currently have money to offer, but I do have a willing heart.  I've really been trying to give more service lately.  It takes a conscious effort on my part because I'm so wrapped up in my own life and trying to be a good wife and mother.

I feel like I still fall short, but I'm doing better.  I'll tell you all about it in my next letter.

Much love, Mama

Duh!

March 28, 2012


Dear Children,
I've done you wrong.  Instead of being repelled by our move, I should have been embracing it.   Not only do I need to have more faith that Heavenly Father is leading our journey, but I also need to have faith in you.  I was so quick to see all the pitfalls of Santa Fe, so worried that my children would be led down the wrong path.  How dare I doubt your goodness, or the goodness of God.  I've been shamed by the words of a mother named Shannon who is much wiser than myself.  She too is moving to a place that is less than desirable, but her attitude shames me.
These are her words:

There was a time when I believed having your kids in the best, "safest" school should be the top priority. I don't think that anymore. I'm tired of this elite idea that one thing is so much better than another.

I understand the pull toward what feels most comfortable. I understand the deep desire to keep my children sheltered and protected. But what I feel even stronger is the hope that my kids will learn very early that God goes with them. He goes. With them. Everywhere they are, there He is. I want them to be around kids who are like them and unlike them and every variation in between. I want them to see beauty in every face and to feel their faith grow as they relate to the world around them with each new day.

My kids won't automatically go down the pipes because the new school doesn't test as well as the old school.  They won't lose their faith because more kids don't believe the way they do. 


Yep, she's a smart one.  Cut me some slack, she's 3 years older than me.  By the time I'm 35 I'll definitely be all knowing!


I love you and I'm confident this move will be a great thing for our family.   
Mama

Grateful I am

Wednesday, July 27 11:07pm

Dear Family,
     There seem to be a lot of things happening in our lives right now that have made me reflect.

I've been thinking about the kind of person I am, the kind of person I want to be, and the kind of person I will become.  

I've been thinking about the choices that have led me to where I am today.  It's a place that's so foreign and yet feels very familiar and right.  

I've been thinking about the major decisions we will soon face and how they can lead us down many different roads.

You know what the common thread to all my thinking has been?  

I'm not in charge.  I'm not the one driving.  Heavenly Father knows the way even when I don't. 

 Just the other day I was a mess, crying over things in which I have no control.  

Today everything is right in the world.

Three things changed.  My heart, my faith and my mind.  The situations are the same; worse even.  And yet I feel peace that it's okay.  

I still worry.  I still stress.  I still have knots in my stomache followed my bouts of butterflies. 

 It's such a comfort knowing that everything will work out though.

I feel so strongly that God is leading the way and we just need to pay attention and follow.  

This quote by Elder Richard G. Scott always helps to ease my burdens:

Just when all seems to be going right, challenges often come in multiple doses applied simultaneously. When those trials are not consequences of your disobedience, they are evidence that the Lord feels you are prepared to grow more. He therefore gives you experiences that stimulate growth, understanding and compassion, which polish you for your everlasting benefit. To get you from where you are to where He wants you to be requires a lot of stretching, and that generally entails discomfort and pain.

Really though, all that's important is family.  I'm blessed.  

I am so grateful for my little family and the chance to grow with you.  xoxo, Me

Big Plans

April 16, 2011 12:31am

Dear Children,
     Papa and I just had a good discussion about your future.  We talked for nearly four hours about what makes a successful adult and how we can help you reach your full potential.  It's so much more complicated than I ever could have imagined.  Of course what we want most is for you all to be happy and healthy, but we also want you to be extraordinary individuals.

The main discussion/ debate was this: What does it mean to be successful and how does one get there?

Does a successful teenager equal a successful adult??  If one is an athlete, gets good grades, plays a musical instrument, has a job and is a volunteer in their community will that ensure the child will have a well paying job and be happy as an adult?  Do any of those things even matter later on in life?  I feel like there's so much pressure for kids to succeed and I don't want you to think we don't love you if you're not a certain way.  I want all of you to be confident and happy because you're you and not because you're performing well.  That doesn't mean we don't have high expectations for you though.  We can see your capabilities and we want you to reach your full potential.

What about hard manual labor?  A great work ethic is something papa received from Grandpa Dewey who in turn, I'm sure, received it from Grandpa Foutz.  Papa told me last night of a time Grandpa Dewey took him into the woods and they had to chop down trees and then cut and haul the wood and fill an 18 cow cattle trailer.  Once they had that full they took the wood back to the house and then split it into fire wood and stacked it for the winter.  Hard grueling work for a young lad.  He HATED it at the time, but he's grateful now that his dad made him do such hard manual labor.  It was a great blessing when he was in the mission field and in the army.  When other boys/men were crying or collapsing from hard work papa was still going strong.

How does one have time for hard manual labor (or any job for that matter) if they're dedicated to school and other worthwhile (but time consuming) activities?  We were discussing weather or not it's better to do things for your child or make them learn to do things themselves.  Things such as doing their laundry, cooking their meals,  ironing their clothes, washing their dishes, etc.  What about extra jobs that need done around the house such as sweeping, dusting, cleaning toilets and yard work?  When is there time?  Oh and what about a real job!  Papa and I both had jobs starting when we were 15 up until we left home and then beyond.  If we wanted something beside our most basic needs we had to buy it ourselves.

If you don't work then you have time to focus on studies and extracurricular activities, but are we teaching you to be lazy and have a sense of entitlement?

Do we do the same things for our girls that we do for our boys?  Surely not.  Or do we?  Is it just as important for our girls to learn how to change a tire as it is for our boys to learn how to make a meal?

I'm sure we'll figure it out as we go and of course we'll do things we regret or we won't think of a great idea until Atticus is a teenager.  Just know that we talk often of what we can do as your parents to try and ensure you have great futures.  There are no guarantees and you may hate us along the way, but hopefully one day you'll be able to look back and be thankful for our feeble attempts.

You are truly in our thoughts and prayers daily.  All our love, Mama and Papa

Poor Unfortunate Souls

March 11, 2011

Dear Children,
     I had a bad day.  I was grumpy and mean.  By the time 8:00pm rolled around I just wanted the day over and done with.  I told you all to get your jammers on and go to bed.

"What about family prayer?" Jonas asked.

"Just go to bed."

"But aren't we going to have family prayer?" Clara asked.

"Go. To. Bed. NOW!"

You all ran off and I continued cleaning the kitchen.  When I was in Jonas' room getting Atticus ready for bed Jonas quietly said, "Mama?"

"What Jonas?"

"We had family prayer without you."

"You did? Who?"

"Me and Clara and Nora.  Clara said the prayer."

"Did you have family hug too?"

"Yes and we wish you would have been there."

After I apologized and promised to never do that to you guys again I shut the bedroom door.  I felt horrible!  Can you just picture three little heads bowed together and then as they got up from their knees hugging one another?  The sweetness!  Since Clara said the prayer I'm sure she was praying that her mama would be nice.

I've decided being grumpy isn't worth it.  Taking time for my children is.  I'm going to push through the rough spots, the hard days, the bad moments.  I once read an article in the Washington Post by Carolyn Hax and there was a quote that's always stuck with me:
[Being a parent] means resisting constant temptation to seek short-term relief at everyone's long-term expense. 

It's so true!  I'm sometimes tempted to take a nap, get on the internet, read a book, etc. instead of interacting with my children.  It's just so much easier to do my own thing rather than what will be for your best benefit.  Forgive my worldly impulses.

I love you all and I'm thankful for your example.  Love, Mama

Diamond Valley

March 31, 2010

Dearest Children,

A few days ago we met up with our dear friends, the Gunns (Danika, Abe, Lia, Hazel & Olive) in Diamond Valley, UT.  We spent our time hiking, picnicking, watching movies, reading books, jumping on the trampoline, trying to catch fish in the pond, and relaxing. I think I may have found my dream home. 

Too bad Danika’s sister already owns it.  Perfect size (5 bed 3 1/2 bath), perfect location (nestled up to BLM land), perfect backyard (large garden, small orchard, grass area, small pond, fire pit, sunken trampoline), perfect neighbors (a falconer, horse owners, four wheeler-ers, master gardeners, goat raising-chess playing kids), perfect lay out (a mud room, large kitchen, an office, a library, and a large upstairs bonus room) perfect, perfect, perfect.  Oh sorry, where was I? Ah, yes, the letter…

Jonas, you managed to fall into the pond within hours of our arrival (way to make a first impression) and Lia fell in just minutes before we were leaving out the door (way to go out with a splash).  Ha, ha I crack myself up.  All of the kids enjoyed the hike to the white sand dunes the most.  You spent hours climbing up the steep dunes and then running, sliding and often times, tumbling down.  The girls loved pretending the fine white sand was pixie dust, while the rambunctious boys held races to see who could make it down the fastest.  The diversity in the scenery was absolutely amazing.  We began our hike along a trail littered with lava rocks as black as coal.  Soon, the trail stopped and we made our way up the face of a red sandstone mountain.  As we neared the summit of the red sandstone, it suddenly turned white.  There was a small trickling stream that we followed until we came to the white dunes.  It was gorgeous and I loved watching you all play while I basked in the sun and Atticus ate sand.

The purpose of this letter is not to tell you how lovely our trip was, it is to teach a lesson.  Yippee for you!  As we were packing to leave, Danika and I were discussing possibly flying kites or doing one last hike on our way out of town.  After some contemplation, we decided against either one, as it was very windy and overcast outside.  I told her that we would be stopping at the temple on our way out of town and asked if they wanted to join us.  Jonas, my dear, apparently you didn’t like that idea.  You let out a load groan and said, “Ugh, why can’t we do something FUN?  The temple is the most boring place on earth!”  I ignored your comment and we packed the car and said our fond farewells because they declined my invitation.  On our way to the temple I told you how sad I was that you said what you did and the even though the temple may seem boring, it’s one of the most special places on Earth and we should respect it.  You apologized, but I could tell you would still much rather go somewhere to play than be reverent and walk around the temple.  Completely understandable because, after all, you’re only seven.

As soon as we drove up to the temple my heart did a little flutter.  I love the way the St. George temple shimmers in the sun and it always amazes me how they keep it so white.  It’s truly stunning.  We began to walk the temple grounds and you all trekked to the top of the steps that are in front of the temple and I took your picture.  We descended the steps and walked along the path circling the temple, admiring the spring flowers blooming with their luscious scents and colors. 

As we rounded a corner of the temple a large, gnarly tree caught my eye.  At the tip of every knotty branch was a bright bud of green, waiting to burst open.  I stopped and looked at it for a moment and then began a speech that went something along the lines of, “You know, Easter sure is a fun time with Easter eggs, a magic bunny and candy… but that’s not what Easter is really about.  Easter is a celebration of when Jesus was resurrected.  All the new growth in the Springtime reminds us that Jesus conquered death and is alive again.  When you see things blooming like this tree you can think of the real reason for Easter.” 

When I stopped talking Clara looked at me and put her little hand in mine.  “I just heard the Holy Ghost whispering to me”, she said. 

Smiling, I asked, “Oh really, what did he say to you?”  

“Well, when you were talking I just kept hearing, “YES. YES. YES, Clara!” then I knew what you were telling me was true.” 

How sweet is that?!  When we were done walking the temple grounds we walked to the visitors center and quietly sat and looked at the Christus Statue for as long as Atticus would allow.  There was a special exhibit of Greg Olsen’s artwork on display for Easter so we walked around, admiring his pieces and talking about the life of Jesus.  When it was time to go Jonas asked me, “Ah mom, do we have to leave already?”  I was immensely pleased, knowing you had felt the spirit and enjoyed being at the temple.  At least I’m hoping that’s why you wanted to stay and not simply because you were dreading the car ride home.  Either way, at least the temple wasn’t the most boring place on Earth after all.

Love, Mama

Newsflash:

February 3, 2010

Dear Children,
Parenting is no walk in the park. It's a never ending grueling trek through rough terrain. Of course there is beautiful scenery along the way, but this morning I just wasn't seeing it.

By the time I dropped the kids off to school at 9:00 I was thinking, "Woo-hoo, they're finally gone!" It was a horrible morning that began bad and got worse. I completely lost my temper and took it out on my poor innocent children. I hope they don't remember the times I loose it, but I know it's inevitable. Dear children, Forgive me. I love you. Sincerely, Your Mother

*This reminded me of the other day when the kids were playing and Jonas was the dad. Clara and Nora were his daughters and he kept telling them to do something. They just kept jumping around and laughing. I could tell he was getting very frustrated and finally he yelled, "Fine then! I'm not your dad anymore!" He then came to me and said, "Being a parent is exhausting. I was only pretending it for a little while and I'm so tired!"

Amen brother.

Love you,  Mama